Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"That feeling"

I've had "that feeling" in my stomach all day. That nervous, butterfly-ridden feeling I got when I was younger when something big was about to occur - like starting a new school or waking up at four am to get on a bus for my first overnight class trip. Or the night before I had to leave my grandparents after two weeks with them at Christmas Break, knowing I wouldn't see them for several months. When my sister and I were anxious about something as children - and it often happened when it got dark outside - we would tell my mom we had "that feeling" and she knew exactly what that meant. And she knew exactly how to make us feel better.

I tried to hide the fact that I still got "that feeling" as I got older, but it still came with the big things in life. I definitely felt like throwing up the morning my parents drove away from the Vandy parking lot, leaving me at college for the first time. I had it laying in the hospital bed in the hours leading up to our first daughter's birth. And I had it just yesterday as I stared for hours at the huge pile of beautiful clothes on my bed. They were not my clothes but my friend Anne's whose mother sweetly gave them to me because we are the same size. But I couldn't help feeling like I just wanted to throw up as I carefully put them away in my closet. This is just not right, is what I kept thinking. Pit in my stomach - check....

The other day I asked Justin if he got that feeling growing up. "Nope," he said. I wonder if it's a girl thing, or just a me thing. I don't know, but I definitely feel it right now as I think about them wheeling my little baby into the operating room tomorrow morning. Although I keep telling everyone that this is routine and everything should go fine, who am I kidding? This is my child, and no matter how routine or uncomplicated the surgery is, it is still surgery and they are still cutting my daughter's perfectly formed stomach and sticking a plastic button in there. I am so thankful they can do this, but it still is hard to give them permission to proceed...

I have been praying over Maggie all day, asking God to protect her and keep her strong and healthy through the surgery. As it gets dark tonight and "that feeling" starts to take hold, I will remember this verse:

"Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..." Lamentations 2:19

Here are our specific prayer requests if you think about her at 8:15 in the morning:

-Because she has Chronic Lung Disease she is at increased risk for asthma attacks or breathing complications while she is under anesthesia. Pray that she has neither, and that her body will remain healthy and strong through the surgery
-For the surgeon, Dr. Murphy, to do a perfect job
-for a quick healing around the "button" and a quick overall recovery.

Thank you to all for keeping up with us - it means so much!


  1. Praying Lee. Kisses from Denver. Anna

  2. praying now. and you are not alone...i know that feeling all too well but remember to place your trust in our Father. there are so many things out of our control and while we so badly want to protect our children we have to trust that God will do this while we cannot. love you!