Not surprisingly once we got home Maggie reverted back to not eating enough. Honestly, Justin and I are more frustrated than ever. They really should let parents have a full night off before taking their child home. Justin and I were so exhausted from waking up every three hours for the past two weeks and so I'm sure that didn't help our stress level. And even though we knew it might be hard for her to change environments, it still was so discouraging after two weeks of intense therapy to see her refuse to eat. I was so upset this morning at 5 am when she wouldn't even let the bottle touch her lips. The usual questions arose from my tears, "Did the past two weeks do nothing? What about me makes her hate eating? Why can't I get my baby to eat?"
Justin tried to comfort me by saying that if we can't get her to eat we still have the option of the g-tube. I know he was trying to help but that just sent me over the edge. I know I shouldn't, but I think getting a G-tube means failure on my part. People can tell me all day long that it's not my fault and there's nothing I could have done, but I will still think that of myself if that's what ends up happening. I pray it doesn't.
(Sorry this posting is such a downer. I really don't always want to post such discouraging news; I really wish I could have a posting saying "she's eating like crazy!" Maybe someday!)
Please pray for Maggie to be calm and focused on eating, to take all of her bottles, and also for patience for Justin and me as we feed her.
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