Day 10 of bed rest. Justin is disturbed that I don't want to watch television or really do anything. I won't so much walk to the living room to get on the couch, because I want to know I am doing everything possible to save our baby. Last week I read three books and watched a few movies, but that is when the doctor had given me hope. Now that they have given me no hope - other than God's divine intervention - I would rather be my quiet room with my Bible and my journal.
Last night my mom and sister took our daughter to dinner so Justin and I had some quiet time together. I always get mad at Justin when he cracks jokes at totally inappropriate times- like the time early in our marriage when I was so sick and practically dying on the floor of the doctor's office in Little Rock when Justin felt compelled to begin his stand up comedy act. I think he was nervous about seeing me so sick and didn't know what else to do. Looking back it was funny, but at the time I wanted to strangle him!
But last night was different. I needed to laugh. We laid in bed and he told me funny stories about work and about Mary Lawrence. No matter how sad or angry I am, and no matter how much I don't want to laugh, Justin can make me burst out into happy tears just like that. It seems awful that we could laugh, (there was some crying, too, don't worry) but I think we just can't believe the absurdity and horror of what's going on. One day everything was fine and then the next day our lives took a dramatic turn into sad and familiar territory. I keep telling Justin I can't go through this. Again.