It's been a really hard few days. On top of everything we are dealing with, I got the news of another pprom baby who passed away. I did not know her mother; I began following her blog after she posted on a pprom message board. Our stories are similar - pprom very early in pregnancy, bed rest, NICU stay. Except her daughter had a much harder fight than Maggie. She was in the NICU seven months and on the ventilator the whole time. Every day was an up and down for this family - desatting, oxygen scares, infections - nightmare after nightmare. Well, a few days ago I saw an unexpected and heartbreaking post - their baby girl died in their arms at the hospital after contracting a virus her tired body just could not fight.
How I sobbed for this family I don't even know! It is not fair that I have Maggie, and they don't have their Natalie. I can see how so many people love Maggie who have never even met her. Praying for someone creates a love and connection that is so tangible.
Since hearing this news fear has overwhelmed me, reminding me that we are not promised any amount of days with our children. And seeing Maggie so sick scares me. We are dehydration watch at our house. Maggie is not keeping anything down. She looks sickly and pale - and we are counting her wet diapers. If we don't get 4-5 each day, we have to go to the hospital. We have tried so many different things and nothing is working. Her GI doctor is out of town for another week; and he doesn't want to prescribe anything else until he sees her. We are going to see her pediatrician/neonatologist today - perhaps he can give us some answers. Maggie is crying nonstop - what happened to my happy baby? She is suffering and I can't bear to watch it. I can't bear for her to lose weight, although I know that's a given. Not having any body fat coming into the cold/flu/rsv season scares the living daylights out of me. She has no "reserves" to help her fight anything like that.
Justin is still hurting; he looks like an old man hobbling around the house . I know he is suffering, too, but is going to work and surviving on pain medicine. He is getting a second opinion hopefully this week.
Thank you for your prayers, emails, and thoughts.