Monday, May 24, 2010

Losing It

This weekend was the most frustrating weekend we have had with Maggie yet. She is no longer sick, which we thank God for, but back to having no interest in eating. She might suck on the bottle for a few minutes, but quickly loses focus and, before you know it, she is batting the bottle around like a punching bag, trying to get it away from her mouth. (Her dexterity is truly amazing).

Justin was at the hospital all day Saturday and by 5 pm he was asking for me or my mom to please come relieve him because he just couldn't deal with the stress and frustration of her refusing to eat. Sunday I stayed with Maggie all day and by 5 pm I made that same exact phone call for help. My mom was still in town last night so she came to my rescue and I left the hospital in tears and just sobbed (loudly) all the way home. Thankfully my windows are tinted because it was not a pretty breakdown.
We have seen Maggie make so much progress, and to see her now back where she was before we entered the hospital is so incredibly discouraging. I don't know why I thought we were immune from the typical "two step forward-one step back" progress of premature babies. We obviously are not.

Right now we feel she needs the ng tube again. Not because she's starving or dehydrated, but because last time it worked to well to get her back on a routine of eating every three hours. So we'll see. I hate that she has to have another one and pray it is only is for a short time. With all these setbacks her homecoming date is up in the air again. Thankfully Mary Lawrence is out our stressful and disjointed household for a while as she is being loved on by her grandparents and cousins in Arkansas,. It makes me sad to think that she has to go away from here to get the attention she needs, but it's the truth for now.  I didn't want her to go as I long for our family to be together, but I know it is the right thing for everyone.

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