It's been a rough day. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and don't have the strength to type all that's transpired today but I will ask for prayer. Please pray that I will get more sleep and that my body will be strong enough to keep going. Pray that I don't go into labor for 6 more weeks. And pray for Maggie's lungs to be big and strong!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
28 weeks!
Fourteen weeks ago it just seemed impossible that we would make it this far. But what is impossible for men, is possible with God. He has sustained Maggie and me and has seen us through the ups and downs. We are so thankful to Him for what He has done and are praying that in the end His marvelous works will be evident for all to see in Maggie's health.
I just had a sonogram and they zoomed in on Maggie's face and guess what? She was breathing in fluid! The fact that there has been enough fluid for her to learn that breathing reflex that she will use outside the womb is amazing! I loved seeing her precious face. She looks just like her sister. They also had saw fluid in her bladder- yeah!
We are thankful for the good news. 28 weeks is a huge milestone because in normal pregnancies, babies born at this time have a 90% survival rate and the risk of abnormalities goes down significantly. Now I know our situation is different but still it's huge. Our goal is 6 more weeks. That's a drop in the bucket compared to 14!
We are not ceasing to pray for Maggie. I know she is in God's hands but I just can't imagine my life without her in it.
I just had a sonogram and they zoomed in on Maggie's face and guess what? She was breathing in fluid! The fact that there has been enough fluid for her to learn that breathing reflex that she will use outside the womb is amazing! I loved seeing her precious face. She looks just like her sister. They also had saw fluid in her bladder- yeah!
We are thankful for the good news. 28 weeks is a huge milestone because in normal pregnancies, babies born at this time have a 90% survival rate and the risk of abnormalities goes down significantly. Now I know our situation is different but still it's huge. Our goal is 6 more weeks. That's a drop in the bucket compared to 14!
We are not ceasing to pray for Maggie. I know she is in God's hands but I just can't imagine my life without her in it.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mr. Mom
Just wanted to give a shout out to my sweet husband who's been playing the part of Mr. Mom lately. My mom went home last week so Justin had Mary Lawrence all to himself for the longest period so far. I didn't mind that every time he brought her to visit me her clothes didn't match or her hair was hanging in her face (he doesn't know how to put a bow in). Nor did I get upset when he showed up one afternoon and Mary Lawrence was donning this year's Christmas play outfit (he hadn't noticed there was a large Christmas tree on her t-shirt). Instead I just laughed. I could tell he was trying so hard and that's what mattered.
Every night this past week they picked up dinner and we all ate as a family in this tiny hospital room. Mary Lawrence makes herself right at home and plays with everything she's probably not supposed to in this room. It was a good week although he was relieved to have my mom return. I think all husbands should have a week or so by themselves with their children as last night he said he never before had appreciated what I do every day as a mother. So sweet.
Anyways, I thought this was be a good time to post this video. It's funny if you can hear Justin and me talking in the background (you have to turn the volume up loud). The video is entitled "Bacon" and it is Justin recounting to me what he fed Mary Lawrence for breakfast one morning.
Every night this past week they picked up dinner and we all ate as a family in this tiny hospital room. Mary Lawrence makes herself right at home and plays with everything she's probably not supposed to in this room. It was a good week although he was relieved to have my mom return. I think all husbands should have a week or so by themselves with their children as last night he said he never before had appreciated what I do every day as a mother. So sweet.
Anyways, I thought this was be a good time to post this video. It's funny if you can hear Justin and me talking in the background (you have to turn the volume up loud). The video is entitled "Bacon" and it is Justin recounting to me what he fed Mary Lawrence for breakfast one morning.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
It feels like prison
Last night I awoke to a lot of screaming and commotion. I heard people outside my door yelling and running around. The next thing I knew I heard them roll out a woman and by all the screaming I could tell the situation was not good. I heard someone yell "Whatever you do, don't push" as they waited for the elevator to take them to Labor and Delivery.
About 30 minutes later I heard who I guess was her husband or boyfriend ask where she was and they told him she had her baby and they weren't sure of the condition of either. It was like my worst nightmare coming true right in front of me. ( My biggest fear is having some kind of emergency where they rush me into labor and Justin doesn't make it in time.). I was so shaken by the incident that I stayed awake the rest of the night, fearful the same thing would happen to me. On top of that I was leaking fluid constantly which is so unnerving.
This morning I just want to get out of here. I am tired of this prison. (I call it a prison because I am not allowed to leave my room and they have to watch me swallow my pills to make sure I actually take them- it's crazy I tell you.) I have no privacy and no alone time cause people are always barging in- the nurses, the techs, the resident, the doctor, the occupational therapist, the recreational therapist, the dietician, the nutritionist, the chaplain, the housekeeper- it's never ending. And while they are all nice, I still feel like a science experiment. I am poked and prodded nonstop. And sometimes i just want the room to myself so i can cry in peace. This morning I just went into my bathroom and sobbed. People kept coming into the room but I just Ignored them. I wish I felt better though but I don't.
After last night, I just want to have Maggie and break out of here. The problem is I could be here (hopefully) another 7 weeks. I know I need to keep my attitude positive if I am going to survive much longer. I also need sleep. That's why I am praying Maggie will flip around and plug up that hole again so she keeps all that fluid inside. And that when I do go into labor it will be a calm, beautiful thing and not a frightening emergency when I am all alone.
About 30 minutes later I heard who I guess was her husband or boyfriend ask where she was and they told him she had her baby and they weren't sure of the condition of either. It was like my worst nightmare coming true right in front of me. ( My biggest fear is having some kind of emergency where they rush me into labor and Justin doesn't make it in time.). I was so shaken by the incident that I stayed awake the rest of the night, fearful the same thing would happen to me. On top of that I was leaking fluid constantly which is so unnerving.
This morning I just want to get out of here. I am tired of this prison. (I call it a prison because I am not allowed to leave my room and they have to watch me swallow my pills to make sure I actually take them- it's crazy I tell you.) I have no privacy and no alone time cause people are always barging in- the nurses, the techs, the resident, the doctor, the occupational therapist, the recreational therapist, the dietician, the nutritionist, the chaplain, the housekeeper- it's never ending. And while they are all nice, I still feel like a science experiment. I am poked and prodded nonstop. And sometimes i just want the room to myself so i can cry in peace. This morning I just went into my bathroom and sobbed. People kept coming into the room but I just Ignored them. I wish I felt better though but I don't.
After last night, I just want to have Maggie and break out of here. The problem is I could be here (hopefully) another 7 weeks. I know I need to keep my attitude positive if I am going to survive much longer. I also need sleep. That's why I am praying Maggie will flip around and plug up that hole again so she keeps all that fluid inside. And that when I do go into labor it will be a calm, beautiful thing and not a frightening emergency when I am all alone.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sonogram Update
Just had a sono and there is half as much fluid as Tuesday. I am trying not to be discouraged but it's hard. I just want everything to be positive all the time!
I have been losing a lot of fluid this week so it makes sense. Maggie is still breech so we need to pray that she flips again and keeps all that fluid in there.
I am thankful that there is some fluid and also that I have stopped bleeding. It's Friday and for some reason I get so nervous as the weekends come. Every time I've had a crisis it's been at night during the weekend when my dr. is not on call. I just pray that the next 4 days are calm and uneventful so I can easily get to 28 weeks!
One more concern: several times this week Maggie has compressed or grabbed her umbilical cord and her heart rate drops. The nurses run in here and turn me on my side and it goes back up but it's very scary. Because of the low fluid it's very easy for her cord to get compressed. And her current position is making it worse. Please pray that more fluid returns and that she doesn't have any problems with her cord.
All week I've been praying for Maggie's little lungs. I just imagine them strong and vibrant and I just picture the day when she is delivered and we hear her beautiful cry. What a moment that will be!
I have been losing a lot of fluid this week so it makes sense. Maggie is still breech so we need to pray that she flips again and keeps all that fluid in there.
I am thankful that there is some fluid and also that I have stopped bleeding. It's Friday and for some reason I get so nervous as the weekends come. Every time I've had a crisis it's been at night during the weekend when my dr. is not on call. I just pray that the next 4 days are calm and uneventful so I can easily get to 28 weeks!
One more concern: several times this week Maggie has compressed or grabbed her umbilical cord and her heart rate drops. The nurses run in here and turn me on my side and it goes back up but it's very scary. Because of the low fluid it's very easy for her cord to get compressed. And her current position is making it worse. Please pray that more fluid returns and that she doesn't have any problems with her cord.
All week I've been praying for Maggie's little lungs. I just imagine them strong and vibrant and I just picture the day when she is delivered and we hear her beautiful cry. What a moment that will be!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Simple and Specific
"Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8
Last year my sweet Bible Study leader gave our young mother's group a great tip that really stuck with me. She said when she had little ones at home she had to find new and creative ways to pray since she didn't get much alone time. For example, while sweeping the kitchen floor she would pray, "Lord, please help me sweep out the bad habits in my life." Or when she was ironing she would pray, "Lord, iron out all these wrinkles and problems I'm dealing with right now." And she would expand from there.
I am sure other moms are like me in that sometimes my brain is like mush and my prayers are often generic, so I thought this was a great way to get my mind on specific things to pray about. Well since I have been on bed rest I have tweaked this little tip to pray simple prayers for Maggie. So whatever I am doing or thinking about I pray with Maggie in mind. Here are some examples:
- When our A/C went out at home for a week in the middle of August I had to move to our guest room (which is to be Maggie's room) where we have a ceiling fan. The whole time I was in there I prayed that one day we would have a healthy sleeping baby in that room.
-When I left our house for the last time to go to the hospital, I prayed that when I returned it would be with Maggie.
-When I checked into the hospital and was admitted to Labor and Delivery, I burst into tears at the sight of the newborn station in the room where they take the baby to clean her off and monitor her vital signs after she is born. I prayed that Maggie would be healthy enough to be treated as a normal newborn in that area.
-When my friend brought her baby girl by to see me, I prayed diligently that Maggie would be able to grow up alongside her.
-I got my first Christmas magazine today (I mean, really, it's October) but it made me think about this Christmas and I prayed that it will be a joyful one because we will be celebrating the birth of Maggie.
-Every time I look at my framed photos of Mary Lawrence I pray that Maggie will be able to run and laugh and play with her older sister.
-As I knitted a baby hat for Maggie, I prayed that a vibrant baby girl would be able to wear it.
I know it might seem a little silly but I find that instead of getting down or discouraged about some of these things - like when I receive a birth announcement in the mail - it's better to turn them around and pray about them. These prayers for simple things, things I used to take for granted, are what are filling my heart right now. And I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a loving God who wants to hear these simple prayers and promises to answer them according to His sovereign plan.
Last year my sweet Bible Study leader gave our young mother's group a great tip that really stuck with me. She said when she had little ones at home she had to find new and creative ways to pray since she didn't get much alone time. For example, while sweeping the kitchen floor she would pray, "Lord, please help me sweep out the bad habits in my life." Or when she was ironing she would pray, "Lord, iron out all these wrinkles and problems I'm dealing with right now." And she would expand from there.
I am sure other moms are like me in that sometimes my brain is like mush and my prayers are often generic, so I thought this was a great way to get my mind on specific things to pray about. Well since I have been on bed rest I have tweaked this little tip to pray simple prayers for Maggie. So whatever I am doing or thinking about I pray with Maggie in mind. Here are some examples:
- When our A/C went out at home for a week in the middle of August I had to move to our guest room (which is to be Maggie's room) where we have a ceiling fan. The whole time I was in there I prayed that one day we would have a healthy sleeping baby in that room.
-When I left our house for the last time to go to the hospital, I prayed that when I returned it would be with Maggie.
-When I checked into the hospital and was admitted to Labor and Delivery, I burst into tears at the sight of the newborn station in the room where they take the baby to clean her off and monitor her vital signs after she is born. I prayed that Maggie would be healthy enough to be treated as a normal newborn in that area.
-When my friend brought her baby girl by to see me, I prayed diligently that Maggie would be able to grow up alongside her.
-I got my first Christmas magazine today (I mean, really, it's October) but it made me think about this Christmas and I prayed that it will be a joyful one because we will be celebrating the birth of Maggie.
-Every time I look at my framed photos of Mary Lawrence I pray that Maggie will be able to run and laugh and play with her older sister.
-As I knitted a baby hat for Maggie, I prayed that a vibrant baby girl would be able to wear it.
I know it might seem a little silly but I find that instead of getting down or discouraged about some of these things - like when I receive a birth announcement in the mail - it's better to turn them around and pray about them. These prayers for simple things, things I used to take for granted, are what are filling my heart right now. And I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a loving God who wants to hear these simple prayers and promises to answer them according to His sovereign plan.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
27 weeks!
Thought this day would never come! Last week seemed like it took forever to go by and now here we are at 27 weeks and, of course, I'll I can think about is making it to 28 weeks!
In all seriousness, though, no one ever thought we would make it this far so all the credit goes to our great God. I don't know why I keep panicking over these mini crises we have each week because every time the Lord has seen us through them. How forgetful we are as humans that "God does not forsake those who seek Him." (Psalm 9:10). No matter what happens He will not leave me or forsake me.
We had another encouraging sonogram today. Still have the good amount of fluid. Yeah! The baby has turned again so is in breech position, which isn't great but at least it means she has enough fluid to move around. It's amazing to me that I still have all that fluid despite her changing positions. The dr. still cannot explain the bleeding. It has slowed down thankfully but if it returns and gets too bad they might have to deliver the baby. So we are praying against that! We have postponed the MRI for various reasons (some of you have asked about that). We were told that it really is not going to help the neonatologist more if we had the MRI, rather it's more for our knowledge. We just don't feel at the moment then that there is any benefit to doing it but that may change depending on what happens in another week.
This is what we are specifically praying for this week:
-that with all if this fluid Maggie is able to master all the breathing, sucking, swallowing reflexes that babies need to survive
-that bleeding will stop
-that God will protect us against infection
-that we can have a smooth week this milestone week. The doctor says if we can make it to 28 weeks it is a huge milestone in babies' development.
-that Maggie will grow strong and safely inside me until 34-35 weeks.
Here's to another week marked off the calendar!
In all seriousness, though, no one ever thought we would make it this far so all the credit goes to our great God. I don't know why I keep panicking over these mini crises we have each week because every time the Lord has seen us through them. How forgetful we are as humans that "God does not forsake those who seek Him." (Psalm 9:10). No matter what happens He will not leave me or forsake me.
We had another encouraging sonogram today. Still have the good amount of fluid. Yeah! The baby has turned again so is in breech position, which isn't great but at least it means she has enough fluid to move around. It's amazing to me that I still have all that fluid despite her changing positions. The dr. still cannot explain the bleeding. It has slowed down thankfully but if it returns and gets too bad they might have to deliver the baby. So we are praying against that! We have postponed the MRI for various reasons (some of you have asked about that). We were told that it really is not going to help the neonatologist more if we had the MRI, rather it's more for our knowledge. We just don't feel at the moment then that there is any benefit to doing it but that may change depending on what happens in another week.
This is what we are specifically praying for this week:
-that with all if this fluid Maggie is able to master all the breathing, sucking, swallowing reflexes that babies need to survive
-that bleeding will stop
-that God will protect us against infection
-that we can have a smooth week this milestone week. The doctor says if we can make it to 28 weeks it is a huge milestone in babies' development.
-that Maggie will grow strong and safely inside me until 34-35 weeks.
Here's to another week marked off the calendar!
Necklace
Just thought I'd post a photo of the sweet necklace my sister made for me. It's hard to see but it has "Maggie" imprinted on it and a charm that says "believe." I wear it everyday.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Prayer Request
We had another rough night last night. It seems to be happening more often and every time I get so scared. Please pray that my bleeding will stop. It seems to be only happening at night when there are only residents here. They come rushing in, wanting to do all these tests, some of which we know pose an infection risk to the baby. So I feel like I have to fight them off (because I know from my dr. that some things they shouldn't do unless absolutely necessary). Then they hook me up to the monitor, do all these blood tests, and I wait for hours - not knowing what is going to happen. I am so tired because I obviously don't sleep at night. If things would stabilize for a while I could sleep and regain some strength, which I know has to be beneficial for Maggie. Pray that my body will heal, stop bleeding, and be able to keep Maggie safe and healthy for a lot longer- our goal is 34-35 weeks. Thank you so much for praying.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Take Heart!
Great sonogram today! Saw the same amount of fluid and said Maggie looks happy! I can't tell you how thankful we are to God for this good news!
I am feeling a lot better today after having a good vent and a good cry yesterday. Our minister came by this week and had some encouraging words. One of the things he said was that I don't have to be a hero. He said it was ok to cry - I am suffering and don't need to try to hide it. So that was good to hear and I definitely took that to heart yesterday!
As we discussed with him the potential outcomes of this situation (and I was crying again, of course, cause it's just too much too think about) he said something else that really stuck. He said "You know, this is not how it is supposed to be." It was so good to hear that. In other words, we were not created to suffer. Maggie, along with everyone else, was created in God's perfect image to live an abundant, eternal, perfect life. But because sin came into this world and all the suffering that came with it ("the wages of sin is death" it says in Romans) things are not perfect, not as they should be.
So many of our young friends are suffering deeply right now. Friends who have lost children or spouses or who are suffering from horrible diseases. And I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "Lord, this is just not right!" And you know what His response is? He totally agrees! Just like he wept over the death of Lazarus, He weeps for us, too. That's why in the midst of our suffering we should remember why Jesus came to our messed up Earth 2,000 years ago: to make things right! Jesus tells us, "Take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) With his life, death, and resurrection He overcame the grave so we wouldn't have to stay in ours. He tells Lazarus' sisters, "He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die" (John11:25-26).
It's hard for some to think that a loving God would let so much suffering to exist.i questioned that at one point in my life. But it's through my current sufferings that I see and feel His ultimate compassion even more. And I have been reminded that while this suffering is hard and awful, it is only temporary. This life is so short compared to eternity with Him, where there is no death, no suffering, no crying. As Paul says in Romans 8, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us." Amen!
I am feeling a lot better today after having a good vent and a good cry yesterday. Our minister came by this week and had some encouraging words. One of the things he said was that I don't have to be a hero. He said it was ok to cry - I am suffering and don't need to try to hide it. So that was good to hear and I definitely took that to heart yesterday!
As we discussed with him the potential outcomes of this situation (and I was crying again, of course, cause it's just too much too think about) he said something else that really stuck. He said "You know, this is not how it is supposed to be." It was so good to hear that. In other words, we were not created to suffer. Maggie, along with everyone else, was created in God's perfect image to live an abundant, eternal, perfect life. But because sin came into this world and all the suffering that came with it ("the wages of sin is death" it says in Romans) things are not perfect, not as they should be.
So many of our young friends are suffering deeply right now. Friends who have lost children or spouses or who are suffering from horrible diseases. And I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "Lord, this is just not right!" And you know what His response is? He totally agrees! Just like he wept over the death of Lazarus, He weeps for us, too. That's why in the midst of our suffering we should remember why Jesus came to our messed up Earth 2,000 years ago: to make things right! Jesus tells us, "Take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) With his life, death, and resurrection He overcame the grave so we wouldn't have to stay in ours. He tells Lazarus' sisters, "He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die" (John11:25-26).
It's hard for some to think that a loving God would let so much suffering to exist.i questioned that at one point in my life. But it's through my current sufferings that I see and feel His ultimate compassion even more. And I have been reminded that while this suffering is hard and awful, it is only temporary. This life is so short compared to eternity with Him, where there is no death, no suffering, no crying. As Paul says in Romans 8, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us." Amen!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Frustrated
I don't mean to be negative but I am just about at the end of my rope. The bleeding hasn't stopped and everytime I do, this deep fear washes over me because I just don't know what is about to happen. I am exhausted cause I have to get up all through the night and only get about 4 hours a sleep a night. And Maggie's kicking has gotten so strong and with low fluid there is not that usual barrier and so it it just painful at times. I just feel disgusting and lethargic and not like myself. I think I have hit a low point!
I don't want this to be over, I just want things to stabilize for a while. I know I sound like a whiner and I am sorry. I am not forgetting that God has been so good to us and I am still so thankful for our good news on Monday. This week has just been a hard one, both physically and emotionally. Thankfully I have the most patient husband in the world who puts up with all my weaknesses!
I am praying that things are still the same at our sonogram tomorrow. Also praying for strength and patience and calmness!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...
I don't want this to be over, I just want things to stabilize for a while. I know I sound like a whiner and I am sorry. I am not forgetting that God has been so good to us and I am still so thankful for our good news on Monday. This week has just been a hard one, both physically and emotionally. Thankfully I have the most patient husband in the world who puts up with all my weaknesses!
I am praying that things are still the same at our sonogram tomorrow. Also praying for strength and patience and calmness!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
26 weeks!
WE ARE SO THANKFUL THAT WE HAVE MADE IT ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER WEEK. YESTERDAY WE HAD TO WAIT ALL DAY FOR A SONOGRAM AND FINALLY SAW THE SPECIALIST AROUND 8 O'CLOCK. THIS IS SO EXCITING TO WRITE : THE DR. SAW MORE FLUID THAN HE'S EVER SEEN AROUND MAGGIE! HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE, WELL, SURELY IT IS AN ANSWER TO PRAYER. AND ANOTHER EXCITING THING IS THAT LAST WEEK MAGGIE WAS HORIZONTAL AND I WAS TOLD THAT I MOST LIKELY WOULD HAVE A C SECTION BECAUSE WITH NO FLUID IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER TO FLIP AND GET IN THE RIGHT POSITION FOR A NORMAL DELIVERY. I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE A C-SECTION BUT I AM JUST SO AMAZED THAT SHE HAD ENOUGH FLUID TO MOVE AROUND- ONCE AGAIN PROVING EVERYONE WRONG.
SO THAT IS ALL GREAT NEWS. GOD IS SO GOOD ABD HAS GIVEN US MORE HOPE AFTER SUCH A SCARY 24 HOURS . THERE IS STILL A LOT OF CONCERN AS I AM STILL BLEEDING ALTHOUGH IT IS MUCH LESS THAN BEFORE. THE DR. IS HOPING THAT IT IS FROM THE BABY DOING HER GYMNASTICS ROUTINE INSIDE ME, SHE COULD HAVE SCRAPED THE LINING OF THE UTERUS IN TGE PROCESS (SORRY IF TMI!). BUT THE OTHER MORE SCARIER THING IT COULD BE IS THE START OF A PLACENTAL ABRUPTION, WHICH IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS THAT CAN OCCUR IN PREGNANCY.
RIGHT NOW WE ARE PRAYING FOR THE BLEEDING TO STOP AND FOR NO PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. AND FOR MAGGIE TO STAY WHERE SHE IS! IT SEEMS THE POSITION SHE IS IN IS ACTING AS THAT PLUG WE HAD BEEN PRAYING FOR, KEEPING ALL THAT FLUID AROUND HER.
SO THAT IS ALL GREAT NEWS. GOD IS SO GOOD ABD HAS GIVEN US MORE HOPE AFTER SUCH A SCARY 24 HOURS . THERE IS STILL A LOT OF CONCERN AS I AM STILL BLEEDING ALTHOUGH IT IS MUCH LESS THAN BEFORE. THE DR. IS HOPING THAT IT IS FROM THE BABY DOING HER GYMNASTICS ROUTINE INSIDE ME, SHE COULD HAVE SCRAPED THE LINING OF THE UTERUS IN TGE PROCESS (SORRY IF TMI!). BUT THE OTHER MORE SCARIER THING IT COULD BE IS THE START OF A PLACENTAL ABRUPTION, WHICH IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS THAT CAN OCCUR IN PREGNANCY.
RIGHT NOW WE ARE PRAYING FOR THE BLEEDING TO STOP AND FOR NO PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. AND FOR MAGGIE TO STAY WHERE SHE IS! IT SEEMS THE POSITION SHE IS IN IS ACTING AS THAT PLUG WE HAD BEEN PRAYING FOR, KEEPING ALL THAT FLUID AROUND HER.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Update
WE SAW THE DR. AND HE ORDERED A SONOGRAM AND MAY SEND ME DOWN TO LABOR AND DELIVERY FOR MONITORING. I AM TRYING NOT TO BE FEARFUL BUT IT WAS A SCARY NIGHT. SEVERAL TIMES I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER. BUT MAGGIE IS STILL GOING STRONG. PLEASE PRAY THAT THE BLEEDING WILL STOP AND THAT I WON'T GO INTO LABOR. I DO FEEL GOD'S PEACE SURROUNDING US AND AM CONFIDENT THAT HE HEARS OUR PLEAS FOR MAGGIE'S LIFE.
Rough Night
I just wanted to give a quick update since you haven't heard from us since Friday. Last night Lee started bleeding around 7pm and has been monitored pretty closely since then. It appeared that everything was getting better later last night but we realized early this morning that it hadn't stopped. They have had Maggie on the monitor a lot and keep saying that the baby looks great. On the plus side also, Lee is not having any pain or contractions so far. Our nurse told us that this is not abnormal for our situation and that she has seen it many times before with no immediate negative consequences. We have been praying a lot and reading 1 James to pass the time. Any recomendations for favorite passages would be much appreciated. We will keep everyone updated as we learn anything new.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Sonogram today
"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, whose hope is in His unfailing love." Psalm 33:18
Not really a whole lot of change today, which I guess is good. They saw a good pocket of fluid, but it wasn't much more than on Tuesday. But it's better than none, so yeah for that! Maggie is measuring rather small. I feel like I have been stuffing myself with high calorie foods for the past two weeks in hopes that she would get really big, which would be good if she is born premature. But my efforts seemed to be futile. As my doctor says, the baby is going to get what she needs and there is not much you can do to make her gain weight. So I am a little discouraged about that. But one thing that gives me hope is that he said the sonogram measurements can be a little off because of the lack of fluid. So hopefully that is the case and she is a lot bigger than they think!
Instead of always focusing on the discouraging news I have been trying to think more of the positive things that God has given us as reasons to hope:
1. I am put on the heartbeat monitor twice a day and all the nurses on the floor agree that Maggie's heart does not look like that of a 25 week old fetus, but rather a full term fetus. They are all amazed at how steady and strong it is, especially since low fluid usually causes more erratic heartbeats.
2. Maggie always has the hiccups, which put me in a good mood because I feel her bounce around in my stomach. But it is encouraging, the doctors say, because it means her lungs are working overtime. They are being stretched out, and any kind of "stress" like that is good for them.
3. I am 25 weeks 3 days today. Every doctor and resident and nurse that has come to see me cannot believe that I have made it so far without going into labor and without getting an infection. They have never seen someone rupture at 14 weeks and still be pregnant at this point.
4. Maggie moves a lot. Everything you read about PPROM says that with no water it's difficult for the babies to move around and "swim" in the womb, which helps develop the babies muscles. Maggie is constantly moving. She may not be able to flip around but she is constantly stretching and punching and kicking. While doing the sonogram Tuesday, Maggie kept kicking the doctor and he said, "Wow, she is a strong baby."
So those are just a few examples of why we have lots of hope that Maggie is a fighter and has been given such strength, all of it we know from the Lord. Every time I feel her move or kick or jump, I am so encouraged and feel so thankful to be her mother and to be privileged enough to have her in my life.
We will keep praying for her to grow strong, for her lungs to be developed perfectly and for no infection. Thanks to all who are praying along with us.
Not really a whole lot of change today, which I guess is good. They saw a good pocket of fluid, but it wasn't much more than on Tuesday. But it's better than none, so yeah for that! Maggie is measuring rather small. I feel like I have been stuffing myself with high calorie foods for the past two weeks in hopes that she would get really big, which would be good if she is born premature. But my efforts seemed to be futile. As my doctor says, the baby is going to get what she needs and there is not much you can do to make her gain weight. So I am a little discouraged about that. But one thing that gives me hope is that he said the sonogram measurements can be a little off because of the lack of fluid. So hopefully that is the case and she is a lot bigger than they think!
Instead of always focusing on the discouraging news I have been trying to think more of the positive things that God has given us as reasons to hope:
1. I am put on the heartbeat monitor twice a day and all the nurses on the floor agree that Maggie's heart does not look like that of a 25 week old fetus, but rather a full term fetus. They are all amazed at how steady and strong it is, especially since low fluid usually causes more erratic heartbeats.
2. Maggie always has the hiccups, which put me in a good mood because I feel her bounce around in my stomach. But it is encouraging, the doctors say, because it means her lungs are working overtime. They are being stretched out, and any kind of "stress" like that is good for them.
3. I am 25 weeks 3 days today. Every doctor and resident and nurse that has come to see me cannot believe that I have made it so far without going into labor and without getting an infection. They have never seen someone rupture at 14 weeks and still be pregnant at this point.
4. Maggie moves a lot. Everything you read about PPROM says that with no water it's difficult for the babies to move around and "swim" in the womb, which helps develop the babies muscles. Maggie is constantly moving. She may not be able to flip around but she is constantly stretching and punching and kicking. While doing the sonogram Tuesday, Maggie kept kicking the doctor and he said, "Wow, she is a strong baby."
So those are just a few examples of why we have lots of hope that Maggie is a fighter and has been given such strength, all of it we know from the Lord. Every time I feel her move or kick or jump, I am so encouraged and feel so thankful to be her mother and to be privileged enough to have her in my life.
We will keep praying for her to grow strong, for her lungs to be developed perfectly and for no infection. Thanks to all who are praying along with us.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A Crying Wish
Over the next few weeks her crying spells only escalated and often left her inconsolable. Justin would come home from work in the evening and would hold her so I could go in my bedroom and sleep. Our old house had A/C window units that were really loud so I would turn our bedroom unit on high and sleep right next to it - the whooshing sound was the only thing loud enough to drown out Mary Lawrence’s screams. (I am embarrassed to admit this!)
I kept thinking Mary Lawrence would grow out of her frequent crying spells, especially when I learned from other moms that not all babies cried a good part of the day for no apparent reason. But she never did. She cried when I put her in the stroller, in the car seat, in her high chair. She screamed when I changed her diaper and when I gave her a bath. Nothing seemed to make her happy. I would tell my family about it, but they just claimed it up to normal baby behavior. (Well, they did until the first time they actually kept her for an extended period of time - then they understood!) So when she was about six months old I started taking her to the doctor because I was convinced the child was in pain or suffering in some way. No normal baby should cry as much as she did, I thought. But the doctor again told me it was her personality, that she was probably just frustrated because she wanted to do more than she could. It was so frustrating I have to say. But eventually Mary Lawrence did grow out of her frequent crying spells, but not until she was about 20 months old.
Anyways I write all of this not to complain. I know people have it much worse. I just have been thinking about the ironic fact that throughout Mary Lawrence’s first two years of life I would always say to Justin that I hoped that our next baby would be an "easy baby" and not cry incessantly. Surely God would bless us with a quiet, serene, happy baby after this experience, I would tell him.
But now, as I lay here in this hospital bed, I would give anything for just the opposite - another feisty baby with big, strong lungs like her older sister! I pray every day that when Maggie is born she will let out a giant cry, too. Because one cry can tell us that everything is going to be okay. That she can breathe. That she will live. I don’t care if she cries everyday for the next 18 years. Never again will I take a cry for granted. If she cries, it will be precious music to my ears.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
25 weeks!
PRAISE GOD THAT I HAVE MADE IT TO 25 WEEKS, BEYOND ANY DOCTORS' EXPECTATIONS. IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE BEEN ON BEDREST 11 WEEKS NOW AND AM PRAYING FOR AT LEAST 10 MORE!
TODAY WE HAD A SONOGRAM AND HE DID SEE A BIT MORE FLUID. NOT A LOT BUT MORE THAN LAST TIME, SO THAT IS ANOTHER ANSWER TO PRAYER. AT LEAST HE DOESNT SUSPECT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH HER KIDNEYS AS SHE IS OBVIOUSLY MAKING MORE. MY PRAYER EACH DAY IS FOR STRONG LUNGS, NO INFECTION AND MORE TIME. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING WITH US.
TODAY WE HAD A SONOGRAM AND HE DID SEE A BIT MORE FLUID. NOT A LOT BUT MORE THAN LAST TIME, SO THAT IS ANOTHER ANSWER TO PRAYER. AT LEAST HE DOESNT SUSPECT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH HER KIDNEYS AS SHE IS OBVIOUSLY MAKING MORE. MY PRAYER EACH DAY IS FOR STRONG LUNGS, NO INFECTION AND MORE TIME. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING WITH US.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Prayer for MRI
"Trust in Him all of your days, O people; pour out your heart to Him for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8
Well I have calmed down a lot since Friday. My sweet doctor came in yesterday morning and I told him I was all panicked after my sonogram and what the specialist told me. In his normal, calm manner he said, "Don't worry, Lee, you are doing great." He reminded me that I have had fluid up until this point and, even though it's not much, it's been right where it needed to be during the weeks of her lung development. He also said that Maggie has done better than anyone ever thought and that fact alone should encourage me. I felt better after talking with him and after just realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I just don't have any control over this situation. It's like I am in a continous cycle: bad news, then panic, then fear, and finally a surrender to God. I wish I could just skip steps 2 and 3 but I am too weak. All I know to do is pour out my heart to the Lord for Maggie's life - and that's what I do, day and night.
I have a specific prayer request. The specialists can do a diagnostic MRI at 26 weeks (in about a week and a half) which can determine if Maggie's lungs are properly developed or not. I was hesitant to do it at first, fearful that if it yielded a bad result the doctors might write off Maggie as a hopeless case and not do everything they can do to save her. But we were assured this would not be the case and, hopefully, the MRI can tell the NICU doctors how to better care for Maggie when she is born.
So my prayer is that the doctors will see healthy, vibrant lungs like they would see on any other 26 week fetus. I know it is a bold prayer, considering Maggie's background. But the Bible says God can do "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine." Why then should I doubt that He can do this? He has already answered so many of our prayers for Maggie, and His miraculous works in her little body have already been clearly seen. I know no matter what the results of the MRI say, God can still save Maggie if he chooses. But I would just love for those doctors to come back and tell me she is going to okay. That would be so wonderful.
Well I have calmed down a lot since Friday. My sweet doctor came in yesterday morning and I told him I was all panicked after my sonogram and what the specialist told me. In his normal, calm manner he said, "Don't worry, Lee, you are doing great." He reminded me that I have had fluid up until this point and, even though it's not much, it's been right where it needed to be during the weeks of her lung development. He also said that Maggie has done better than anyone ever thought and that fact alone should encourage me. I felt better after talking with him and after just realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I just don't have any control over this situation. It's like I am in a continous cycle: bad news, then panic, then fear, and finally a surrender to God. I wish I could just skip steps 2 and 3 but I am too weak. All I know to do is pour out my heart to the Lord for Maggie's life - and that's what I do, day and night.
I have a specific prayer request. The specialists can do a diagnostic MRI at 26 weeks (in about a week and a half) which can determine if Maggie's lungs are properly developed or not. I was hesitant to do it at first, fearful that if it yielded a bad result the doctors might write off Maggie as a hopeless case and not do everything they can do to save her. But we were assured this would not be the case and, hopefully, the MRI can tell the NICU doctors how to better care for Maggie when she is born.
So my prayer is that the doctors will see healthy, vibrant lungs like they would see on any other 26 week fetus. I know it is a bold prayer, considering Maggie's background. But the Bible says God can do "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine." Why then should I doubt that He can do this? He has already answered so many of our prayers for Maggie, and His miraculous works in her little body have already been clearly seen. I know no matter what the results of the MRI say, God can still save Maggie if he chooses. But I would just love for those doctors to come back and tell me she is going to okay. That would be so wonderful.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Sonogram today
I HAD A SONOGRAM THIS MORNING AND THEY DIDNT SEE ANY FLUID. I WAS SO DISCOURAGED AS I WAS REALLY HOPING THAT AFTER A WEEK IT WOULD HAVE RETURNED A LITTLE. I HAVE BEEN SOBBING ON THE BED THIS MORNING - I JUST WANTED SOME POSITIVE NEWS. THE DR. CAN'T GIVE A GOOD EXPLANATION AS TO WHY THERE IS NO FLUID. EITHER I AM LEAKING AND DO NOT KNOW IT OR THERE MAY BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER KIDNEYS. I AM LIFTING MAGGIE UP IN PRAYER - PRAYING THERE IS ENOUGH FLUID FOR HER LUNG DEVELOPMENT, TRUSTING GOD THAT HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. PLEASE PRAY TOO.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Photos from the first week
A sweet friend deocrated the wall-makes me happy to see Maggie's name.
My bulletin board where I keep track of what day I am on!
She loves playing with these pumpkins...
In bed with Mommy
I can't believe I am posting such awful pictures of myself!
Daddy and Mary Lawrence
Goofing around
Believe it or not, she likes it up here.
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