Saturday, October 24, 2009

It feels like prison

Last night I awoke to a lot of screaming and commotion. I heard people outside my door yelling and running around. The next thing I knew I heard them roll out a woman and by all the screaming I could tell the situation was not good. I heard someone yell "Whatever you do, don't push" as they waited for the elevator to take them to Labor and Delivery.

About 30 minutes later I heard who I guess was her husband or boyfriend ask where she was and they told him she had her baby and they weren't sure of the condition of either. It was like my worst nightmare coming true right in front of me. ( My biggest fear is having some kind of emergency where they rush me into labor and Justin doesn't make it in time.). I was so shaken by the incident that I stayed awake the rest of the night, fearful the same thing would happen to me. On top of that I was leaking fluid constantly which is so unnerving.

This morning I just want to get out of here. I am tired of this prison. (I call it a prison because I am not allowed to leave my room and they have to watch me swallow my pills to make sure I actually take them- it's crazy I tell you.) I have no privacy and no alone time cause people are always barging in- the nurses, the techs, the resident, the doctor, the occupational therapist, the recreational therapist, the dietician, the nutritionist, the chaplain, the housekeeper- it's never ending. And while they are all nice, I still feel like a science experiment. I am poked and prodded nonstop. And sometimes i just want the room to myself so i can cry in peace. This morning I just went into my bathroom and sobbed. People kept coming into the room but I just Ignored them. I wish I felt better though but I don't.

After last night, I just want to have Maggie and break out of here. The problem is I could be here (hopefully) another 7 weeks. I know I need to keep my attitude positive if I am going to survive much longer. I also need sleep. That's why I am praying Maggie will flip around and plug up that hole again so she keeps all that fluid inside. And that when I do go into labor it will be a calm, beautiful thing and not a frightening emergency when I am all alone.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Lee, I have been exactly where you are. (Ashley at Georgetown PT gave me your blog info.) One thing that helped was to speak with the nurse in charge and request 6 hours of sleep a night. At Hopkins, they posted a sign on the door saying "do not disturb between 11-5" or something like that. Some of the nurses ignored it, just to warn you! Hang in there, you are doing a great job. And you can take comfort and peace from the fact that you are doing everything in your power to give Maggie life! The rest of it is in God's hands. Maggie is small, but our God is big. My family and I are praying for you. Peace, Taylor (Sebastian's mom) (tcortright at prodigy dot net)