Monday, August 3, 2009

Walking by Faith

Walk by faith, not be sight. Walk by faith, not by sight. Walk by faith, not by sight. Does anyone else say things over and over in their head hoping it will push out all of the other negative thoughts?

I was hoping that the doctor would flip on the ultrasound machine today and be astounded at the miraculous change and healing that had taken place. That didn't happen. Everything looked about the same as it did before, although a tiny bit of good news is she confirmed that there were a few pockets of fluid that weren't there last week. Still just a fraction of what the baby needs, but I still praise God for it. I like to hope that His healing hands are at work!

But after reviewing everything else, the doctor reminded us of the very grim potential outcomes and of the high probability that this will all turn out very badly. In other words,the chances of our baby surviving are very low. So we left feeling, well, not really knowing how to feel. We are grateful for the tiny drop of good news, but crushed by the gigantic wave of bad news.

I am sure I will stare at the ceiling a lot this week trying to process it all, but for now I keep hearing the same whispered phrase from 2 Corinthians in my head. 'Walk by faith, not by sight.' The path ahead is so daunting that I can't possibly keep going based on what the doctors see is in our future. It is too sad, too awful that I just want to run screaming in the other direction. So I am going to close my eyes, reach out for Jesus' hand, and let Him guide me step by step through this hour of darkness. I don't think I can step forward otherwise.

"Lord, you are Great Physician We ask that you pour out your healing power to save our little baby. Let us not be discouraged, rather help us walk by faith in you each day."

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