Sunday, November 1, 2009


I was so estatic to wake up this morning and realize that it's a new month! And it was a good night. I finally took some ambien last night and this morning Justin said I looked so much better. He said yesterday I looked like I was a meth addict coming off a three week bender. Lucky for him, I totally agreed with the assesment. I literally haven't slept more than 3 hours or so a night since I arrived at the hospital. I was hesitant to take sleeping pills because I either leak fluid or bleed all night and it's just not possible to sleep through that, especially when you are constantly checking to see if the baby is moving or if my symptons are getting worse. (And for those who know our honeymoon story, ambien and me just don't mix well.) But after a rough three days and the doctors practically forcing it down me, I took it last night and got a pretty good night sleep.

The past three days have been scary. At times I thought I just couldn't make it much longer. Thursday I was in a lot of pain for no apparent reason. Friday I nearly fainted out of my wheelchair while waiting outside the sonogram room, then the specialist told me there looked like there was another problem with her heart and I had to wait all day to see the cardiologist. After that I got back to my room and had my first panic attack I think. I was uncontrollably sobbing but then trying to stop at the same time because I was afraid the heaving would make me go into labor. But then I couldn't stop and sort of panicked. It wasn't pretty. I think it was the first time since this happened that I really melted down like that. I am sure it was the combination of being exhausted and the baby literally sucking everything out of me but I just couldn't bear to hear any more bad news. But they got me calmed down and we finally saw the cardiologist and everything was not as bad as it seemed. She has some fluid around her heart but it is to be expected for a baby with no amniotic fluid and she said it should go away on it's own. So we were so thankful it wasn't a devastating diagnosis but it is something we still need to pray about.

The days go by so slowly as time marches on. I am thankful that God has given me just the perfect amount of strength to get through each day. I so badly want to keep going and make it a lot longer. And I am praying for just that. And praying for a healthy, strong baby girl to join us in about 6 weeks!

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