The adrenalin that comes after giving birth has officially worn off. I don't want to complain because I am so thankful, of course. Just wanted to explain to friends why I may not have called you back or responded to your email just yet. Or why i am WAY behind on thank you notes!
Right now I feel like every ounce of energy is going to my two girls right now. Mary Lawrence needs me to be home as much as possible and I am trying to spend good quality time with her. Every time I leave her now she has a huge meltdown cause she doesn't know if I am leaving for an hour or for two months. Poor thing, I would cry too if I was her. And I am so torn because if Maggie was my only child I'd be at the hospital 24/7. I just want to sit by her all day, but that's just not fair to Mary Lawrence. And poor Justin so badly needs his wife back to normal, but I am afraid that is a ways off. How can one just flip a switch and go back to "normal" after all of this?
Anyways by about 5 pm everyday I am wiped out and would love to go to bed right then. But a full night of sleep is still ages away for me as I have to pump every few hours throughout the night. Again, I am so glad to do it, I'm just so tired - not only in a physical sense but also in an emotional sense. As I told a friend who drove me to the hospital last week (still can't drive for 2 weeks!), all I want to do is have a good sob. And not because I am sad because I am overflowing with joy, but because I've had so much built up emotion over the past four months that Ive been unable to express. I didn't want to cry while on bed rest because I was afraid of leaking amniotic fluid, and ever since I had my C-section it's been too painful to cry. I'll have my good cry one of these days, I guess!
After a section they tell you to rest and take it easy for a month but, I'm sorry, that's just not feasible in my case. My mom is good about reminding me to rest and sit down a lot, but it's really hard to relax when you have a 2 year old clamoring for much needed attention and a baby fighting hard in the NICU. Oh well, God has always given me just the right amount of strength when I needed it. And we still need His strength and daily guidance just as much as before. I just hope we never lose sight of this important truth.