Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wednesday 4am

Trying to go to sleep again after having been woken up by contractions. I did get a few hours of sleep but now am
Wide awake, eyes glued to the monitor. I like this calm before the storm. It's dark and Justin is asleep and I feel like just Maggie and me in the room. I know I an supposed to talk to her but I choke up and can't. Justin always talks to her but I can sing and hum to her. It's funny that I keep going back to a lot of the songs we sang in youth group - I guess cause they are so simple:

"God you are my God and I will always praise you. God, you are my God, and I will ever praise you. I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to follow your ways. And step by step you'll lead me. And I will follow you all of my days"

I've also been humming "you are my sunshine" and "Jesus loves you" but can never finish cause I get so tearful. This is a time - here in this dark hospital beingblit only by Maggie's heaerbear monitor-I will never forget for the rest of my life. Maggie 's vibrant heart beating all around me, feeling her little kicks, watching my sweet husband sleep so he can be prepared for whatever lies before us today, and thinking about our future as a family together-I can't wait for it to start.

I'm glad night is almost over, another day is here. The resident said every day we can keep her in me is huge. But my dr. made it clear that if contractions worsened again we would deliver. All night long I have been pleading for Maggie's life, praying that the delivery would be smooth and that right away the NICU team sees that she and her lungs look great. Beyond our expectations. I pray that if today is the day for her arrival
(which I am hoping it's still way off) but if it is, I pray like I have been praying that she gives us a big cry to announce her joyful arrival. Praying for my doctor - my section can be complicated so pray that he does a stellar job with me. And praying that Maggie receives the best possible care from a doctors and nurses who have been hand-selected by God to save her.

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