A good day

Justin walked into the NICU this afternoon and they were taking Maggie off the ventilator! We couldn't believe it. She did well initially and right now is on something called a C-PAP. She is breathing on her own but the C-PAP just helps her along with oxygen. They warned us that little preemies sometimes get too exhausted using their lungs so much when they aren't used to it, so we shouldn't be surprised if she backtracks and has to go back on the ventilator again at some point. That's okay with us. We are just so happy that after only 8 days her lungs are functioning so well. What a blessing!

As soon as Justin got home, I went up to see her for myself. The good news is that the air tube is out of throat so she only has a teeny feeding tube. But the C-PAP is not a small contraption either - it basically is a tiny little plastic covering over her nose. But to get it to stay in place she has to wear this awful looking head strap. But it has to be so much more comfortable than the ventilator.

And another amazing thing is that now that she is not intubated, we can hear her cry! It is so faint you have to get super close to her to even hear it. Of course I am rejoicing that she can cry, but as all mothers know, you can't bear to see your child uncomfortable, upset or in pain. I don't think she is in pain but was just tired of people messing with her. She just wants to be cozy and snug in her little cocoon of blankets and be left alone!

At the sound of my voice she did open her eyes again (poor Justin has still not experienced this). It was so sweet. And another piece of good news is that they took her off the light; her jaundice is so much better. So that means we can hold her! I can hardly wait. Although I am already nervous about it. You've probably heard of it before, but the holding time is called "kangaroo care." The mother holds the baby on her chest , skin to skin, and it is really supposed to help her health and our bonding.

Anyways, good news all around tonight. Again, we are so thankful. Throughout the day I remind myself that things could have been, were supposed to have been, so different than how they turned out. It's quite a strange thing to be told day in and day out for months that your baby is probably not going to live,but then the complete opposite happens.  You just feel like at any moment something is going to happen and she will be taken away from you after all. Like someone is playing a cruel trick on you after getting your hopes up. It's more fear than anything else. And I am not going to fall into that pattern. I want to focus on the positive news that God has given us and on the miracle we have seen in Maggie. I have learned to trust that God has numbered all of our days, and there is nothing I can do to change that for Maggie or for anyone else, so I don't need to burden myself with anxious thoughts and useless fears. God is good. He has led us through the hardest time of our lives and I know He is not going to stop now.

Okay, now that I have given myself a little pep talk I am off to bed! I am exhausted and sore all over. Just walking around the house more than usual today has left me feeling like a I ran a marathon. Pathetic! Oh well, slowly but surely I will get back to my old self.